I don’t want convenience. If you say you do, I might think you’re lying.
Okay, I might be dramatic because I wouldn’t complain when groceries get delivered directly to my doorstep without even leaving my bed. I’m human. I want things to be easy.
Convenience is seductive.
Remember when UberEats first blew up? That’s when convenience really felt like a luxury. Fortunately, you can still order food, groceries, or online shop. But I remember the first time I ordered groceries being able to pick produce from my couch, it was revolutionary.
Now if the drop-off time doesn’t fit my schedule I’m probably annoyed. Not because the delivery is actually inconvenient, but because I’ve gotten so used to convenience that anything less than it starts to feel like an inconvenience.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that we should make our lives harder just for the sake of it. If you don’t feel like cooking, go ahead and order that takeout!
I’m talking about the principle of it. In friendships, work, and communities.
Convenience is the thief of everything worth giving a sh*t about.
I want my life to be filled with things worth giving a sh*t about.
I don’t want convenient friendships
I don’t want the kind of friendship where we only see each other when our schedules magically align. Life is so hectic, if you wait until your schedule aligns with your friends’ schedules, you’ll probably never see them again. Sometimes, you should be willing to rearrange your schedule to see your friends. Because so much love can exist that inconvenience feels insignificant.
I think we’ve gotten a little too comfortable with everything having to work for us.
What works best for me?
What’s easiest for me?
If every decision you make begins and ends with what is best for you,
Where will anyone else fit?
I’m not saying we shouldn’t have boundaries.
Having boundaries and protecting your energy are healthy but refusing to ever inconvenience yourself for someone else is different.
There are days when I don’t have enough energy to fully be there for someone else. But there’s a balance that we haven’t figured out yet.
We can’t just show up when it's convenient.
There’s going to be a day when your friend just broke up with her boyfriend and needs you. You might visit her, surprise her with her favourite thing to eat or even stay on the phone longer than you typically would. Maybe you had other plans. Maybe you had a stressful day at work, but when you love someone, you show up for them. Showing up can look different for everyone.
No one has to show up, but they should want to.
That doesn't make you a pushover. You may think it does because we’ve been conditioned to put ourselves first, but it actually makes you a good friend or partner.
If loving you never inconveniences me, I probably don't love you enough.
Is hard work sexy?
In a widely discussed 2022 interview with Variety, Kim Kardashian remarked that ‘nobody wants to work these days.’ Honestly, I agree. We’re used to putting a destination in Maps showing us the quickest way to get there, avoid delays, and construction.
But maybe we should approach things differently.
Ever heard someone say ‘take the scenic route’? There’s a reason for that.
We want the career, the money, the fulfillment, the lifestyle. Where a lot of us fall short is action. Psychologists describe this as the intention–behaviour gap: the disconnect between what we intend to do and what we actually do (Faries, 2016).
Much research on this gap focuses on health-related behaviours like quitting smoking, weight loss, or eating better, but the psychological mechanism is the same for career aspirations.
The idea is simple; we can genuinely intend to do something, but still not do it.
Data used in similar research to Faries states that intention predicts only 30-40% of variation in health behaviour. Why, though?
To put it simply, there is a whole lot happening between our wants, intentions, goals, and our true action.
Wanting or having an intention to do something is easy.
Performing the actions required to get it are not. Often, they are inconvenient.
A promotion at work is the goal, but getting there is being in the office before everyone else, proving yourself over and over, or staying late when you want to go home.
This is when motivation matters.
Faries makes it clear that motivation is not made equal and it’s a factor involved in whether intentions become behaviour.
He distinguishes between the different types of motivations. Intrinsic motivations, that occur because you genuinely enjoy a task, or because of the positive emotional reaction it invokes. And, extrinsic motivations, that occur because of an outside pressure or expected outcome.
You can want the promotion and still not be willing to put in the extra hours. The intention is there, but it doesn’t follow.
When the behaviour is meaningful or rewarding, we may want to keep doing it even if it requires effort or inconvenience. It is not enough to want the life on the other side of the work. At some point, you do have to be willing to do the work.
Trust me, I get it. Sacrifice isn’t stereotypically sexy.
Nobody is posting the 6 a.m wake-up call.
They’re not posting the rejection email.
We see that promotion, not the work it took to get there.
We see the finished product, not the Friday nights spent building it when all your friends were out for drinks.
We see someone's dream life and quickly forget that social media is a highlight reel.
I think we've become so focused on protecting our time, our energy and our comfort that we've started treating any effort like a huge red flag.
We want to work smarter, which is great, until “smarter” quietly becomes a secret code for “with as little inconvenience to me as possible.”
So yes, hard work is sexy. But what about intention? Is wanting something enough if we're unwilling to put in the work?
If you want a village, you have to be a villager.
A village is inconvenient by design. Building one takes effort, and maintaining it takes even more.
We want a community, but creating and maintaining one means being willing to reach out to the people around us. Someone has to give – why can't it be you?
We want to know our new neighbour, but we push off going to knock on their door.
We want people to check in on us, but we don’t want to check in on other people.
I can’t stop thinking about the sugar scenario.
If you run out of sugar baking cookies, you can just go next door and ask for a cup. There is something genuinely beautiful about that. The fact that there is familiarity, goodwill, and trust between people means you're willing to give them the last cup of sugar you have because they need it more.
That is literally heartwarming.
But I don’t think we should automatically assume since we’re in proximity with someone that we get those perks. We forget that community requires participation.
It is difficult to look beyond and see the lack of community participation as a mere public issue rather than a personal problem. But a community is made up of individuals, and the choices we make as individuals ultimately shape the community we share.
Research has suggested that community and social connection meaningfully contributes to young adults’ experiences of loneliness. So, what happens when those individuals stop reaching out because life gets in the way?
Consider the COVID-19 pandemic. Research has found that following the pandemic, social anxiety in the general population has increased. Maybe it is worth asking how much we can actually blame an individual for failing to reach out and foster a community. Maybe they’re anxious. Maybe they’ve gotten comfortable staying at home. These aren’t unusual feelings, I, and many others have felt the same. But collectively, they can leave us with a population where everyone wants (and many of us need) connection and no one knows how or where to start. How can we navigate something so complex?
Maybe we’re too quick to look at someone staying in their own lane and assume they’ve chosen what’s most convenient for them. But we don’t always know what the choice is costing them elsewhere.
A friend might choose to stay home rather than come across town for dinner. Maybe they have chosen to spend that evening with their family, because that’s the only night they have together that week. They’ve gained something from staying home, but they’ve also given something up.
How much of what we call convenience is really just a trade-off we aren’t personally affected by?
It’s hard not to see things in black and white.
Even though we all have things going on in our lives, we forget that many people want or intend to show up, but don’t always have the capacity to do so in the way we expect.
It’s a bold but common assumption that someone simply chooses convenience over community.
That doesn’t mean we should stop reaching out to people.
Navigating the perception of convenience needs to begin with recognizing that someone else may have a full life outside of you.
Sometimes we have to meet people halfway. And sometimes, if you’ve found a really special person, you go the full way, even when it’s inconvenient.
How to live a full life
Put yourself out there. Put out a hand and give people something to reach for. Don’t be afraid to show you care. Don’t miss out on genuine friendships, communities or a career because of it. You’ll feel the worst FOMO of your life.
We pay for connection, for success, for belonging.
I have. It didn't cost me a dime.
Want to know how I paid? Inconvenience.
Ask yourself: What are you willing to inconvenience yourself for?